Thursday, May 21, 2020

Random thoughts and Jokes


[warning! Mathematical jokes ahead, you may get headache.]
  1. Suppose there is no empty set. Then consider the set of all empty sets.
  2. Top ten excuses for not doing homework:
    • I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
    • Isaac Newton's birthday.
    • I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
    • I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
    • I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
    • I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
    • I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
    • I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
    • I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
    • I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
    • I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
3. The biggest lie of the century, “I have read and agree to the terms of …”

4. The difference between an introvert and extrovert mathematicians is: An introvert mathematician looks at his shoes while talking to you. An extrovert mathematician looks at your shoes.  LOL.

5. Math is the language God used to write the universe.

6. Biologists think they are biochemists,
Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
Physicists think they are Gods,
And God thinks he is a Mathematician.

7. Teacher: Now suppose the number of sheep is x...
Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x?

8. If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.
-- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
-- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders.
-- Hal Abelson

Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
-- Gauss

Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists stand on each other's toes.
-- Richard Hamming

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and software engineers dig each other's graves.
-- Unknown

9. "The problems for the exam will be similar to the discussed in the class. Of course, the numbers will be different. But not all of them. Pi will still be 3.14159... "


10.                                      A SLICE OF PI
 
                    ******************
                     3.14159265358979
                       1640628620899
                        23172535940
                         881097566
                          5432664
                           09171
                            036
                             5




11.
[This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks)].

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.

In arctic and tropical climes,
the integers, addition, and times,
taken (mod p) will yield
a full finite field,
as p ranges over the primes.

A graduate student from Trinity
Computed the cube of infinity;
But it gave him the fidgets
To write down all those digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.

Chebychev said it and I'll say it again:
There's always a prime between n and 2n!

A conjecture both deep and profound
Is whether the circle is round;
In a paper by Erdo"s,
written in Kurdish,
A counterexample is found.

(Note: Erdo"s is pronounced "Air - dish")

There once was a number named pi
Who frequently liked to get high.
All he did every day
Was sit in his room and play
With his imaginary friend named i.

There once was a number named e
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great.
But that fact we must debate;
We know she wasn't greater than 3.

There once was a log named Lynn
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
Whose base was shaped like an e.
She's the most natural log I've seen










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